Four Drinks for Two Bucks ...

 

So ... you end up flying a lot if you work in Prudhoe Bay - the only other ways there are by sea barge, or by the Haul Road - which is a 474.5 Mile Gravel Road from Fairbanks, Alaska, to Deadhorse, Alaska - and for which I personally saw the results of a Viper Advertisement that was supposed to show how the fast car made the trip ... it was being towed into Deadhorse with it's front left wheel hanging by cable or two ... as one of the front independent suspension systems ... didn't like the road  much.

Anyway ...

The following story is about one of my flights out of Deadhorse ...

So ... I'm flying back to Anchorage after a long two week tour of 18 hour days ... this was back when you could do 18 hour days ... and am sitting near the rear of the BPX Charter 727 (the one with the green and yellow stripes - in verse to the one with the dark blue and light blue stripes - which was the Arco Charter). 

I think this was back during the winter of 1993 – 1994. 

I know it was just a short time before they changed out ye ole 727’s for the second hand 737-200’s, which originally were flying for Finland Airways, and also had the Gravel Landing Kits like our 727 Charters – so they, too, could be used over at the ARCO Gravel Air Strip.  Those were the 737’s we flew before the “Shared Service Group” got those fancy 737-800’s they fly today … what sweet rides they are …

Anyway …

It was a beautiful winter day, with clear blue skies and visibility for miles and miles in any direction. As we turned toward the Brooks Range coming out of Deadhorse International, the old three engine jet with the ramp in the tail started its climb to 35,000 feet.

The Captain of the Aircraft came over the Intercom, and told us to expect a smooth flight, and that he was turning off the No Smoking Lamp. - which blinked off a moment later. As this was back in the day of smoking on aircraft, all of us in the back of the plane fired up almost immediately. The Stewardess were getting out the carts to serve a snack and drinks - which we all were craving after two dry weeks.

The Captain turned off the seat belts light, gave us the speech about keeping our belts buckled in case of unexpected turbulence, and we started to level off at altitude. As I was in the 2nd to last set of seats in the aircraft, I got my two Jack Daniels Mini-bottles, a glass of ice and a Coke for all of two bucks almost immediately.

It was going to be a great flight back to Anchorage – as any flight back to Anchorage was …

Then, unexpectedly, there was a sudden dip of the nose of the aircraft, followed by a yaw to the left. About that time, we started to make a fairly sharp right hand turn. The stewardess with the carts looked a bit off balance, and looked around at each other.

I started to suck down my first Jack Daniels Mini-Bottle … straight … sensing something was amiss … I mean, I hadn’t even opened my Coke yet …

The pilot came on over the intercom, and simply said "We have a little problem up here in the cockpit, and are going to head back into Deadhorse … I'm turning on the Seat Belt and No Smoking Lamps - please extinguish your cigarettes and prepare for a quick landing." The two lights clicked on overhead of each seat,

We all put out our cigarettes – and started to look around at each other … I stashed my bottles of Jack Daniels and my coke in the Field Overalls I was wearing (I live in Anchorage 5 minutes from the Airfield), and slid my cup with ice down next to me on my seat … I wasn’t giving up what I’d already paid for …

The stewardess apologized to the folks they hadn't served drinks and snacks to, turned around, and started rapidly picking up everything they had just issued out. All us passengers looked around at each other, and started making jokes about the "small problem" up in the cockpit. The engine wine changed, and we started our descent into Deadhorse.

It seemed like a normal enough return to the airport - almost like we were just arriving for a shift. Having said that, I could tell the descent was rather sharp - not quite a combat descent - but a lot faster than normal. And as such, I broke the rules, stood up, and grabbed my parka, gloves and wool cap from the overhead … just in case I had to rapidly deplane after landing in the middle of winter on the North Slope. After putting on my parka, I sat back down and buckled my seat belt again - adjusting the bottles of Jack Daniels and Coke I had stashed in my overall pockets.

Several others also broke the rules at that point.  It was then that gasps could start to be heard from those at the front of the aircraft, with some folks saying "Holy Sh*T" and "My God...". I noticed they were all looking out of the left windows, so me (I) - sitting on the rear left side - did that too.

And there in the distance - on a wide dark line in the bright white snow - you could see the Spine Road coming into Deadhorse ... with every emergency vehicle and fire truck in the world coming toward Deadhorse with their lights on …

Their Emergency Lights on, that is …

Well … that will pucker ones fanny …

After a bit of continued gasps and expletives, and those on the left side of the aircraft relaying what they could see to those on the right side of the aircraft, it got really quiet for a few minutes. Only the sound of the flaps and engines making adjustments could be heard.

We turned on final for Deadhorse International, the gear came down, and it seemed like forever to get to the end of the runway. With a loud bump, we hit the tarmac, the engines reversed, and we rapidly slowed down. Out the windows on the left, you could see many of the emergency vehicles waiting for us just outside the fence, with some starting to make their way in to the Airfield now that we had landed and passed them.

As we neared the end of the runway, the plane slowed enough to turn off onto the Off Ramp and Side Way - but instead of stopping, the Pilot continued back to where we had started our journey near the gate. Several emergency vehicles waited there with their lights flashing brightly.

The Head Stewardess came on over the Overhead and told everyone to please remain in their seats - as Emergency Personnel would be boarding the aircraft.

You could almost hear the heartbeat of the person next to you after that statement …

A bit of nervous joking started among the passengers ... maybe the pilot had a heart attack ... maybe someone tried to hijack the plane, and the pilots over powered them. Maybe someone is dieing up in the cockpit...

As we stopped, the 727’s rear ramp went down, and almost immediately, two large Paramedics ran up into the rear of the aircraft, and briskly, walked the length of the plane and into the cockpit. The door to the cockpit - only opened for a moment by the Head Stewardess - was abruptly closed again.

And we sat there … And we sat there …

It was really quiet in the aircraft again …

And about 15 minutes later, one of the Paramedics suddenly burst forth from the cockpit, carrying two rather large black plastic trash bags full of something.

Shortly thereafter, the other Paramedic emerged from the cockpit, carrying both Paramedic Bags and another large black plastic trash bag full of something. They walked the length of the aircraft, on down the tail ramp, and apparently - back to their truck.

Shortly after that, we heard the engines start back up, the ramp was raised, a tractor pushed us back and turned us around, the jets increased their power and we started to make our way over to the tarmac On-Ramp.

The pilot came on the overhead, and just told us we were going to head back to Anchorage now.

The flaps came out as we turned onto the end of the runway. The stewardess walked briskly through the cabin making sure everyone had their seat belts on. And before we could figure out what had just occurred, the power came up and we were off again on our way back to Anchorage. A few moments after liftoff, you could hear the gear coming back up.

As the flaps were retracted, and we started to gain altitude, the pilot came back on the overhead.

"Well folks" he said "I'm really sorry about all that, but the co-pilot suddenly developed a really bad nose bleed. And FAA Rules require both pilots to be a hundred percent during flight operations, so we were required to return to Deadhorse until he was back in tip top shape. I'm tuning off the no smoking lamp and seat belt lights. Again - my apologies - drinks are on the Cockpit Crew for this flight!"

A cheer rang out in the cabin, and the stewardess returned with their carts to where they had stopped serving before. Those that smoked - smoked. Those that drank - drank. A discussion broke out over how much the copilot must have bleed - remembering the three big black plastic bags the Paramedics carried off the aircraft.

And apparently - after a discussion with the Cockpit - the stewardess made their way through the cabin a second time - issuing new drinks to those that wanted more.

That was the only time I ever got four drinks for two bucks on the BPX Charter Flight back to Anchorage - and as it turned out - I only had time for three.

And that’s just about how it went …